I had trusted God wholeheartedly, trusting that He is the faithful one who would provide me with a soulmate. Yet I found myself disappointed time and again as I went in and out of failed relationships. I became angry with God. 

In fact, I was so happy being angry with God! I felt that I was in control of the situation. I could block out His presence and His voice. I could hurt Him by ignoring Him. 

Little did I know that I was becoming a living dead. I had been feeding my heart leftover anger everyday and every moment. I felt cut off from all my feelings. I was numb.

I had become cold and withdrawn. I no longer see hope or find joy in life. No wonder. How can the opposite co-exist? Can life still flow through my deadness? 

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you.”

Ephesians 4:26 (NLT)

Why can’t I be angry?! Why can’t I be angry with God? Why can’t I be angry with my family, my colleagues or my boss? 

“Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,  for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Ephesians 4:27 (NLT)

But as time went by, I lost the control I thought I had – I lost control over my anger. I realised unresolved anger is like leftover food. We think it is just food, but it starts to rot and maggots start to infest. 

Holding on to leftover anger is like eating leftover food that has turned foul.

This is what I have been feeding my heart and soul everyday for the last 7 years. 7 years is a big cost in exchange for this realisation. Today I have decided to live freely again – anger will no longer control me. 

My friend, I give to you my realisation as a gift. If you have leftover anger, you can decide to discard it and not bear its cost. You can be in control again. 

We can always find enough reasons to justify our anger but end up losing sight that anger is never enough to fulfill our needs.

Think about this: what exactly are you angry about? What is anger? How is it hurting you?