If both parties consent to having a sexual relationship, does this make it ok?

Worldwide, the law protects minors.

In Singapore, anyone who has a sexual relationship with a minor below the age of 16 years commits a sexual offence, even if it is ‘consensual’. Clearly, the law protects minors, because of the exploitative possibilities of such sexual relationships. Indeed, even if it is ‘consensual’, a man who has had a sexual relationship with a minor below the age of 14 years will be guilty of rape.

When we hear  news of  minors having a sexual relationship outside of marriage, or having a child out of the wedlock, we feel sad because we know that there are deep emotional wounds to heal.

Not a Minor

If I am no longer a minor, is it ok to have sex when both parties consent to it?

Is Consent to sex really as simple as having tea? Is consent everything when it comes to sexual relationships?

Consent is important BUT consent is NOT everything.

Why not? Imagine that I hand you a knife today. And I say, “I CONSENT to it, please kill me now!” Would you do it? No. Because it is not good and there will be grave consequences.

Similarly, there are physical and emotional consequences in any sexual relationship, regardless of consent.

As we mentioned in our article “What Parents can Teach your Children about Sex from the Bible”, virginity is a precious gift. We need to take time to envision the future we want. We need to take time to choose the right spouse.  We need to have  sufficient preparation to be a spouse and a parent. Then a woman will know the right time to present this precious gift. Only then, a man will know the right time to unwrap this gift.

Because – the future you want is important.

The Right Time

Why is the right time for sex  so important? Because not all men are prepared to be a desirable husband. Recall that we mentioned in our earlier article –

“And to your husband shall be your desire.
And he shall rule over you.”

Genesis 3:16 LEB

If the husband is to be the wife’s desire, he needs to be desirable. And he needs to be prepared to take the responsibility to rule over his wife. This is the most important ingredient to a happy marriage.

More often than not, a young person will decide to have a sexual relationship – just to have a great time. Of course, sex is enjoyable because it is God’s incentive for humans to enjoy a sexual relationship in order that humans may multiply and fill the earth. Both parties feel they want each other so badly – you feel that the other person wants you so much. However, in the desire to obtain the enjoyment before its time, no one thinks about consequences. But right after that, the boy becomes scared (he is not yet a man). He has not thought about his future. He has not thought about the baby. He is not ready for the responsibilities. He ghosts away – but you have given your best (emotions, mind, body) to him. All of a sudden, both do not want each other that much – and you feel discarded.

Perhaps someone will say “We truly loved each other at that time, so we decided to give ourselves to each other.”

Having a sexual relationship before marriage has implications for your future family and loved ones. If you broke up after the sexual relationship, and you subsequently married someone else, your future wife or your husband would have an extra difficult journey of accepting the past. It is possible to overcome the difficulty and accept the past, because

“love covers a large number of sins”

1 Peter 4:8

and

“love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”

1 Corinthians 13:7

But something is already destroyed. You would have put someone who loves you dearly through an unnecessary and difficult journey of accepting your past. Furthermore, both would have the extra burden of reassuring each other of the love and mutual trust. If you can choose, why would you add unnecessary hurt? Equally true, “love does not dishonour others and it is not self-seeking.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

This act of “true love” decided in the past on impulse, would have an unfair consequence to your future self and to the one whom you truly love in the future.

Because when God made man and woman – he meant for one man and one woman to become one.

As rational beings, if we want to lessen suffering for our future selves, we should choose the path that rejects unneeded pain, in order to sustain a joyful and promising relationship with my spouse.

So beware – sexual relationship is very powerful. It will be a BIG thing at that moment in time.

The Bird with No Legs

Someone who does not want marriage – is a wanderer in life. Like a bird with no legs – always flying around but never settling in a nest. A man or woman who wants a relationship that leads to no family – is one who does not want responsibilities, and prefers to stay alone. (Remember God said in Genesis 2:18 “It is not good that the man is alone.”)

What kind of bird (life partner) are you looking for? Take time to know yourself. Make lots of friends. Take time to know them. When your desires are awakened, take time to prepare. When you have found a potential life partner, take time to know each other, observe and envision the shared future. Then both of you will know the right time to commit to each other.  Because only you can decide your future.

Choose wisely and you will lessen the suffering in your world.